The waves

I guess I feel like I am riding a wave. My sister described it to me as most of the time you are fine, but then someone says something or a memory pops into your head and you start to cry. Most of the time, I don't feel particularly sad over my Mom, and in fact, I know that she is no longer struggling; no longer confused, disoriented, no loss of memory. Her Alzheimer's disease and its progression was an ugly thing. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Then, there are times when I am just sad. I just plain miss her! Today, our family will be gathering together for the first time since her passing. We are having dinner at my sister's home, and reviewing the memorial service and receiving our last instructions before the service tomorrow. I am feeling a little anxious about tomorrow's service, not having ever had to do this before, and I am not a fan of crowds. With no calling hours, there will be a reception immediately following the memorial service in the church's fellowship hall to greet family members. I am really not looking forward to that. Yesterday, Ken, Brad and Danielle helped me order flowers for my Mom's memorial from our family. It was nice to have their personal inputs and not do it alone. I know that ALL things work together for good, that God's timing is always perfect. I believe this will all my heart. I just miss her touch and wish I could have had one more hug. It's early and I am praying that people's advice is true...that time does heal.